Crush

Yes... I have a crush on someone. It's a full blown crush which is something I haven't had in a REALLY long time! I don't know what to do with it at all. All I know is that I want to be around him as much as possible because just seeing him or being around him brings about a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. However, I'm so afraid of getting hurt. I hold back to save myself when maybe I'm holding back too much. Or maybe I'm really not holding back, but being too forward or "pushy". *sigh*

The Past Week

I have to say that life has been pretty amazing when I look back over the past week. Yes, I have been greatly confused through many things, but when I take a step back and look, it's been an amazing week!!

Things are starting to make a little more sense to me now, or maybe I'm just becoming more willing to actually see what's been right in front of my face for so long. The one I have been holding onto for the past several years is not where I should be right now, and maybe not ever. Instead, I have been hanging out/dating/whatever you call it with this guy who is pretty amazing. He's super shy, and to me, that is one of the cutest things ever. He's respectful, patient, kind, hyperactive, and really trying to become a better person. No, he's not the type of guy I ever really saw myself being drawn to, but I've realized today that he is very much the guy I'm being drawn to at this time in my life.

Last night we got together to cook dinner and watch a movie. It was an interesting experience as I've never done that, but it wasn't too bad. We made it work. haha It was just a fun night! Him and I have actually hung out a lot for the past several days, and it's just been nice. It's nice to have someone actually paying me attention, and wanting to be around me.

Maymester is almost over, and that's exciting. There are still some things that I need to do, but it's good. I move tomorrow and Saturday, and wow - that's crazy! My car is loaded right now, and after a couple meetings in the morning, I will start moving stuff over. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. One thing I'm pretty excited about is the fact that I'm going to start walking to Church when it's a nice morning, and then in the evenings, I'm going to bike to Church for FHE. It'll be a lot of fun!! I enjoyed the days I would walk to Church at Westminster College, so it should be good here too!! :-)

Life really is amazing, and I have amazing friends! Yay for life!! :-D

Best Friday in a REALLY Long Time

So today was an AWESOME day!! I've needed a day like today for awhile, and I'm glad it finally happened. I thought I was going to take pictures, but I didn't. I just enjoyed everything, and it was a fun 7 hours. Below are just some pictures that I found online to outline the things that went on... It was nice to have a date. :-)

Went to the zoo, and it was so much fun!! It's been awhile, and I really enjoyed it.

Lunch was really good!

Just walked around and wasted some time.

Watched Terminator Salvation! It's a really good movie.

Grades... They Kind of Depress Me

Well, all of my grades are finally posted for the Spring Semester! I wasn't really sure how I was going to end up this semester. Last semester, I had a pretty good idea for the majority of my classes, and this semester, there were a few classes that I was pretty worried about.

I ended up with 5 As and 1 B for the Spring Semester (18 credits) to give me a 3.833 GPA for the semester. I now have a 3.829 since the Fall. It doesn't make me happy! :-( It should be so much higher, if not a 4.0 GPA. Both semesters I've missed my 4.0 by just a few points. Last semester was by 7 points which bugged me greatly because I ended up missing ONE class due to oversleeping, and that class meeting was when she gave an assignment for 10 points. Yea - there went my A. This semester, I missed my A by 13 points and it was because of one of my tests. Seriously... not cool!!!

Yes, I should be really happy as I never did this well with my first Bachelor's degree, but it makes me sad because I want that 4.0 GPA. I just feel like I'm having to prove myself to so many people right now, especially my parents. *sigh*

The One I Think About

The past many years have been interesting years for me. There is one person who I have never stopped thinking about or stopped caring about. So many things have changed over the years between us and personally. We aren't the same people, but it's my hope that we are better people. Because of my feelings for you and the distance between us, I'm learning patience. I will never truly understand the Lord's reasoning behind it all, but I know He has a reason for why we have gone through all we have. He has a reason for why you are the one I always want to be with, even when I try to push you away. Many have not liked you and many have tried to tear us apart, and yet, we have never ran the other direction... at least not completely. We are always looking back.

This upcoming Friday would have been 5 years that we would have been married, and to just imagine that is almost impossible. How different our lives would have been, and how different we would be today. Things ended because it wasn't the right time, but when I think to our relationship over the years and look at pictures of us, I feel nothing but peace. I feel that maybe our time is finally on the way - if we can just overcome these last few challenges. What are we both willing to sacrifice to allow this to happen? Are we willing to change things in our lives that we need to change to have those blessings that are waiting for us? We were in the past, but today is the present, and I wonder often if we are both willing to do those things today.

May 2003

Angela,

Mark gave this to me for Christmas this past year. It has helped me so much. If it were not for this book I would not be reading in the scriptures every day. There is a strength that we can get from reading the scriptures that we can't get from anything else. That strength is one of two things that have helped me to overcome the challenges I have had. The other is you. I hope this book will help you out as much as it has helped me. Read it every day and use it as a tool to get you into the scriptures everyday. You don't have to read a lot, but you should read some. Just remember I will ALWAYS be there for you. Stay strong! Stay active! This book will help you do what the title says STAND A LITTLE TALLER, but you have to allow that to happen.

I LOVE YOU!!!

Jared Sandridge

P.S. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!

You helped me find my strength and what was important in life. Now, it is my turn to try to do what I can to help you find the things you helped me find. I am stronger in the gospel of Jesus Christ because you believed in me. I know the strength you have within you, and the potential you have of being one of the strongest members and Saints. One day, I hope you will see it! I've never stopped loving you!!

Memphis Trip - Spring 2003

Angelina College Athletic Banquet - Spring 2003


Salt Lake City - January 2005


Little Rock - November 2008

My Parents

So, I've come to the conclusion that my parents rock! Seriously, they are the all time best!

They have taken such good care of me, and have helped me go after my dreams. I've never known them to hold me back or keep me from trying to do the things that I want with my life. No, we don't always agree on everything, and it hasn't always been the best of relationships; however, our relationship has gotten so much stronger just over the past couple of years. I'm not sure why or what really changed, but I am very greatful for it!!!

I truly appreciate all the big things that they do for me, but I appreciate the little things even more! Some things they do isn't any big deal to them, but to me, it makes such a big difference! They watch my dog so I can go out of town and do fun things. They wash my clothes or finish up the loads I started if I end up falling asleep or need to go do things. They feed me meals and snacks and whatever else I so desire when I'm over there. They understand how very independent and stubborn I am, and accept it. But they also know when to help out without me asking.

My life has changed so much in the past two years, and it hasn't been easy. My parents, although they haven't known everything, have been one of my greatest strengths! I think one of the coolest things that they've done recently is give me money so that I could pay my summer tuition. Yes, I'm keeping track and will pay them back. Yet, I know they don't expect it and think nothing of it. This is why I have such a great desire and push to do the best that I can!! I want to prove to them that what I am doing is really for the better and that I'm trying to be the best daughter for them. I often feel that I let them down, but I hope that there are at least a few moments that I make them smile.

Some Thoughts

I've been having a few thoughts for the past few days, so I just kind of wanted to get them out. This tends to help me, and so that's even better. Right now, I'm just stressing out about finals (only two left) and hoping that I end up well this semester with all my classes. I just don't really know. :-/

First Thought
I have a friend, and I love her dearly. She's become a good friend over the past several months through all of our classes. However, I have to say that I really wouldn't mind getting away from that friendship. I say this because I'm realizing how jealous I am of her. She's sitting with a pretty 4.0, and I will NEVER be able to have that. She complains that she never has time, yet, she is able to sit in the library for hours studying or working on projects. I'm always having to rush to get things done, and just hoping I remember something I was taught or sacrifice sleep most nights to study. Its becoming very competitive, but I think it's only on my side. Well... of course it is! She's the one with the 4.0 and free time. I never feel like I measure up.

Second Thought
I have another friend who I am becoming jealous of as well. :-/ She doesn't realize how amazing and beautiful she is. I wish I had her personality or the ease of being able to talk to other people, especially guys. I wish I had the confidence that she carries when she walks in a room. People flock to be around her, and how I wished I could have that affect on others.

Third Thought
Boys are dumb! Okay - not really, but they tend to bother me a great deal. I say this because I'm tired of them saying one thing and then doing the complete opposite. It's really not that hard to fulfill what you say you are going to do. If you tell someone you like them and you want to get to know them, then do it! If you say you don't want to hurt someone, then don't hurt them. It really is just that easy. However, I have the complete opposite of this happening in my life as well. I have a guy who would love to do something about it, but we live 6 1/2 hours a part, and that makes it hard. Yes - my "plans" for the next five years is probably already in the process of changing, and it could be for the better or not, I'm not sure yet.

Final Thought(s)
Life is crazy, and I'm not slowing down any time soon! Right now, I'm trying to get all of my stuff together and turned in for EFY so that I can have that job. I need to send something else to them, and hopefully I'll have time to do that tomorrow!! It's looking like I'll be staying at Petsense for a few more months, even though I was really hoping to leave soon. I'm just bored with it, but I have a great boss and she works with my schedule. School is running full force, and I have a lot of things that I need to start working on, but haven't found the time just yet. AND - I need to figure out when I'm moving in with the Newman's. It's happening by the end of this month, but I need to start things a little sooner than the last day. :-) *sigh* So many things running through my head, and not really sure where it's all going to take me...