You know, for those who do read this, which probably is very, very few, I'm sure it seems like I'm just a depressed person. There are those moments I am, but I promise that I'm not typically a depressed person. I'm just having a hard time finding those happy moments, and really having them.
As I sit here alone while my husband is having fun with his friends, I wonder where that went for me. Brandon says that all women cling to their boyfriends/husbands because they don't have a lot of friends or they just don't really know anything else. I say I cling to my husband because I want to hang out with the one who should be my best friend. He keeps me safe when I'm in his arms, and it's just so comfy.
But then, I also think... where did all my friends go? I used to go out all the time, and be the life of a party. Single life was amazing, and never a dull moment. There were too many times I would just have to try to find time alone as I was always doing. What caused that to change? Where have all my friends gone? I guess several are now married and even with kids. Several live 1600 miles away which really stinks. And I guess many are guys, and hanging out with them just wouldn't work. Not because it would bother me, but I know it would bother Brandon and to many, not look good. I'm sorry that I would rather have several guy friends and a few good girl friends than the other way around. So yea, I need friends! I need friends that aren't going to judge me because of things they learn about me or whatever it may be.
And the biggest worry of all... that I will lose my job. When I was hired, I was given 6 months to train, learn, and find a store. If I don't succeed within that 6 months, I can be demoted or fired. Demotion only comes if there is an opening, and that opening is certainly not available. Three months left to go, and right now, nothing looks to be happening. I have had one interview, and normally I feel confident... none what so ever this time. I don't like this feeling! I don't like knowing what I'm going to be doing.
I'm not a depressed person... I just have a lot of things that are pulling me in so many directions that I just don't know what to do.
2 comments:
I think brandon needs to get in shape. Jason asks first if his friend comes over, and even then we all hang out together. He NEVER goes out with the guys, unless its to a jazz game. I think you'd be happier if brandon was more involved in trying to make your marriage happier. :( :)
Ang, I've felt exactly this same way. I usually prefer to just hang out with my hubby than anyone else. Sometimes I feel guilt that I don't try harder to get together with my friends. For some reason it takes more energy than it did before I was married. I don't know why it's that way, but I do know it sucks!
As for the other things you mentioned about not being clear on what direction to go in, that's hard too and I just got over something similar. I felt really unmotivated and stuck. So, some things that help me, besides talking it out with my hubby, were to:
*Serve others. When I take the focus off myself and look for something I can do to cheer someone else up, no matter how small the act, I start to feel better. It works! Make some cookies, call up someone you haven't talked to in a long time and tell them you were thinking of them, or surprise your husband with a love note on the mirror.
*Read or listen to something uplifting.
*Pray. Sometimes I get to be so pessimistic that even with prayer I think: Oh what good will that do!, but when I pray earnestly, I know I am heard and in some beautiful way my prayer gets answered.
*Look for and write down things that make you happy each day. Seek the good..
*Do something you're good and and can feel proud about; it helps give a little self esteem boost!
*Eat chocolate!! haha ;)
*Do Zumba!! Cuz it's WAY fun and it's a good workout and you'll feel energized after!!
Anyway....you get the idea.
Hang in there! You can do anything, just keep chuggin!!
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