Very Torn

I have been dating a wonderful guy the past two months, and it's been wonderful. We have really started to grow kind of close, and have started to develop feelings for each other. If we don't see each other every day, we are sending text messages back and forth. We spend many hours together, and just enjoy doing very little. It's really hard for him to sit still, but he indulges. :-) We enjoy each others company, and we smile and laugh. Here lately, we have even started having some pretty interesting conversations about the Church and what's important.

Now, you wonder why my title says "Very Torn" as it seems like things are going great. Well... this is what I want and nothing less...

WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT WHICH ISN'T NOW!!

I don't know if this is something he is going to ever want or how important it is going to be to him to work towards that. I would be okay just dating him, and not thinking about this; however, I've had a few people make mention that I should only be dating towards the Temple - of course not in those exact words. Also, when I was going through a desk drawer today, I found some old stuff from my one year of Seminary and from the two years of Young Womens. One pamplet that I found, titled "To the Young Women of the Church: A message by President Ezra Taft Benson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" (1986) stated the following:

Date Faithful Young Men

"Remember, young women, the importance of proper dating. President Kimball gave some wise counsel on this subject:

"Clearly, right marriage begins with right dating.... Therefore, this warning comes with great emphasis. Do not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless. A girl may say, 'Oh, I do not intend to marry this person. It is just a "fun" date.' But one cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel" (The Miracle of Forgiveness, pp. 241-242).

"Our Heavenly Father wants you to date young men who are faithful members of the Church, who will be worthy to take you to the temple and be married the Lord's way. There will be a new spirit in Zion when the young women will say to their boyfriends, 'If you cannot get a temple recommend, then I am not about to tie my life to you, even for mortality!' And the young returned missionary will say to his girlfriend, 'I am sorry, but as much as I love you, I will not marry out of the holy temple."

So... as I was typing this, this very choice young man just called me. He's making changes in his life, and no, I don't think they are because of me. I feel like I'm helping him see things and not putting him down or judging him for weaknesses and flaws. It's just amazing to see those changes though, and I hope they stick!!

Again, I am torn as I'm not completely sure which direction I should go. Maybe I should just continue to date and see what happens. Heck, I'm not ready for marriage. Once school starts, I won't really have much time to see him anyways so he may just leave because of that. Oh the joys of being busy!!

EFY

EFY was absolutely amazing!! I can't believe that I've waited this long to be a counselor, but at least it happened now! I'm already planning on being a counselor ALL next summer!! It's so amazing, and just the experience, the people, THE SPIRIT!!! I loved it all - even the lack of sleep!! :-)

I grew so much spiritually! It was amazing to be in such an environment where you could honestly be happy 100%, you can cry any time you want and no one thinks you are weird, and you can act as goofy as you want. I was around people who believe what I believe, and love it! I almost forgot what that was like, and to be accepted for me... all of me!!

My two groups of girls, and my two companys were better than I could have ever asked for!!! I had amazing co-counselors, and fabulous BC's!! There was absolutely nothing I hated! Even in moments of frustration, I learned to just continue to love and found the patience I needed.

When I went to EFY, I wasn't sure how well it was going to go. I went with certain thoughts in my head about different situations in my life. When I left, many prayers were answered and my testimony was grounded!! I hope that my girls and boys were able to learn even just a small part from me of what I learned from them. They taught me so much!!

BECOME STRONG
Co-Counselor: Scott Cobabe

FULL OF LOVE
Co-Counselor: Michael Wilson

10 Years

10 years ago today, I was at Laura S. Walker State Park in Waycross, GA. Several of my friends, new and old, were out on the lake. It was a fun Saturday filled with knee boarding, tubing, and just good times. I had never been out, so I was really enjoying it all. I had a new boyfriend, and was making some much needed changes in my life. You see - July 18 was the first Sunday that I had ever attended the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I knew that's where I was supposed to be.

Now, this day was and is known as Pioneer Day to those who are LDS. It is a day we celebrate every year in remembrance of the pioneers and all that they went through to get to the Salt Lake Valley. They went through so much for us and for the Lord!!

This day, 10 years ago, we were starting to load up everything and get ready to head back to the house to just hang out for the night. My mother gave me a call, and it wasn't a normal phone call. She wanted to know who was around me as she was trying to figure out how to tell me the news she was about to say. At this time, my father and brother were out on a camping trip (I can't remember what it is called right now) for Boy Scouts and my mother was at home alone. She then proceeded to tell me that my grandfather wasn't doing very well, so they got in contact with my father to get to Texas - Ft. Worth to be specific. My father did some hitchhiking and carpool with other scout troups that were leaving, and didn't make it to Ft. Worth in time. His father, my grandfather had passed away after 6 months of battling cancer. He was only 70 years old, and a strong man! He retired the day before his passing.

July 4th was the last time that I saw my grandfather, and something told me that it was going to be the last time I saw him. It was so hard on me, but when I attended Church on the 18th, I knew there was hope. The teachings of the Temple and eternal families lifted my spirits. I knew that everything would be okay because of that. Now... I just need to get his work done (along with my mom's parents).

My grandfather was cremated, and didn't want any kind of service. They ended up having a service/gathering, and there were no seats left. It was the largest church in Ft. Worth, and they were having to bring in chairs and people were left to stand. How amazing that is to me to know that my grandfather had such a strong impact on so many people. There were many people there, including my father as it's all he had, who were in their scout uniforms. My grandfather did so much for the organization and the Longhorn Council.

It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years already, and I miss him so much. He didn't live an easy life, but was determined to make the best of everything. He did just that!!!

Born with the name of Asa Rauscher from his birth mother, but adopted not too long later and given the name of Joe Paul Jones, he worked hard in his life to have all that he had, and did so much for those around him. I see much of him in my father, and I hope that I have at least a few of his traits!

The Council Ring dedicate to my grandfather as he was the one who helped financially, but was also out there often for the building of it. This picture was taken the evening that it was dedicated, and it could not have been a better night. His ashes were also spread just over the ledge by his three children and wife.

Short Update

EFY WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!

It was seriously the BEST week of my life, and I miss my girls, my boys, the counselors, and just everything so VERY much! I can't wait to go back this weekend for one more week!!!!

This week is almost over, and I'm not ready for it to be done yet. I'm not ready for it to be done because I still have so many things to do. Yes, that means I probably shouldn't be on here, but I wanted to try to get some things out of my head to see if that would help me focus a little more. It probably won't, but it's worth the shot! :-)

EFY begins on Saturday for me with training and such. I'm really excited, but VERY nervous. I don't feel ready for it at all in SO many ways. I am trying to hope for the best, but right now, I feel all over the place. There are still many, many things that I need to do to prepare myself and hope that I can be an instrument for the Lord in teaching and leading the youth.

Summer I is almost over, and wow, there's a good bit to do. I've gotten most of the things for my lab completed, and I only have a couple tests left for the actual class. I can't believe that after I get back from EFY, I will only have 4 days left of Summer I. I will work that week, and then will not be back on campus unless I'm getting things taken care of for getting into graduate school or with JCFR. Oh - so much to do!

Still dating, and loving it! It's been a lot of fun the past month, and yes, I believe I'm kind of hooked, but it's okay. I'm making the best of what is given me, and just trying to let the Lord guide the rest. It's not easy, and I have no clue what's going to happen. But I love his company!! I really enjoy being around him, and I never thought that would be possible. This is certainly one "relationship" that I never saw happening... EVER!

Life is good, but certainly a lot happening. I have many thoughts, and the stress/anxiety is kind of up right now, but I hope that things will calm down here soon.

Well, I guess it's either back to working on school stuff or getting sleep. :-)

Lots of Driving

Well... tomorrow beings one of many trips down to San Antonio for the next several weeks. This weekend is just a two day trip, but I'm really excited! We are heading down to just get away from Nacogdoches, and do something fun. The plans are pretty much in the air for tomorrow, but on Saturday, we are going to Fiesta Texas. I've never been, so I'm really excited. I love rollercoasters, and the last time I was on one was probably October 2003 when I went to Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio with Jared and another couple. This weekend will be great!!!

Then next weekend, and two weekends after that, I will be driving down to San Antonio to attend EFY as a Camp Counselor! I'm really excited as I've never had an opportunity to be a part of EFY until now. It's going to be a wonderful experience, and a couple really long weeks!! :-)

In the middle of all this driving (which really, I'm not driving this weekend, but will be riding!), I will be finishing up Summer I. Two weeks down and two and a half weeks left to go! There are a lot of things to do, but I think I'll be able to get it done. After this weekend, I'm hitting it all hard and just running. So... if I seem a little out of it, it's probably because I am. I'm seeing little sleep, lots of thinking and working, and just some crazy times!

Life Has Proved to Be Interesting

Things in life have been interesting over the past week. I started up school again for Summer I, and I'm not liking it at all. This is one class that I REALLY can't wait to be over with. It is HMS 241 which is Early Childhood Education, and well, that is an area that I don't really have any interest in learning about. I mean - I guess that's not completely correct as it'll be important to me one day when I have children. But right now, I don't care about making song cards and learning how to be a teacher for children. Maybe part of it is the fact that there's a lot to do, and I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.

I'm working on campus as a Student Assistant, and that's been interesting. I'm working 20 hours a week, and most of it has been sent scanning notebooks and pictures and whatever. It makes for a really long day, but it's nice for the fact that I'm getting hours which means money! :-) It's hard at the same time because I don't really get a break through out the day... at all! I guess I can't really complain too much since I only work Monday through Thursday which means every Friday and Saturday off! And of course Sunday! YAY!

Still dating, and enjoying it! For once, I can say that part of my life is really good, and I'm just excited to see what happens. It's been just over 3 weeks, and it's fun. We are still getting to know each other, and it's a happy time. So yay for dating! hehe (Yes, I'm still pretty much a giddy school girl through all of this!)

Umm... what else is happening in my life?!!? Oh - Church stuff, of course. It really is pretty much the same as it's been in the past. Not too much has changed. I got to attend the Houston Temple yesterday with my friend, Todd. He was going through the Temple for the first time before his mission, and it was a great experience. I was glad that I was able to be there with him and his family. It's hard to know that Todd is getting ready for his mission as I remember him being in Primary. It was just really nice being at the Houston Temple!!

The only other interesting part of the week is pretty much losing a friendship that I've had for the past almost 8 years. Jared and I are not speaking anymore, and that's a hard thought for me right now. Last Sunday and Monday were two interesting days of texting. I have to say that I've never been cussed out and knocked down before through text messages, but now, I can say that I know the experience and I don't want it again!! It hurt a lot!! But that situation certainly proves to me that I'm where I'm supposed to be, and I guess that maybe that season of my life is over. Hard to have seasons end, but that happens.

Hope things are well for everyone else!!!