A friend of mine confided in me tonight about some things, and made a comment that really struck me. Something I wonder from time to time, and just makes you think... "if there's nothing wrong with me, then why am I still single."
I really don't have a problem with being single; however, I would love to be dating and just progressing in that part of my life. It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong in my life, and what I could do better. I just really want to be the best that I can be for my eternal companion.
A promise was given to me that I will find my companion, and the he'll love me for my strengths. He'll love me even more for my weaknesses; he'll love me completely. I want that; I'm excited for that. However, it's getting hard right now. I'm 25 years old, and I just feel like something is wrong. Maybe what's wrong is me, but I don't know.
*sigh*
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Change of Life
Do you ever just get to a point in your life that you aren't very happy with your life... whatever the reason may be? Well... I'm there now.
There are several things in my life that I'm not too happy with or just confused by that are just kind of happening. But then there are those things that I can control or at least help direct a little more than I do. Right now, I've been thinking a lot about my appearance. I know that's weird. I know that I shouldn't worry so much about my appearance, but that's probably been one of the hardest things in my life.
I've grown up feeling more like an object than just a female. Different things have happened in my life... some things that I've told people, and other things that maybe one person knows. And it's not anything that I really dwell upon, but at the same time, it's something that I know has affected me in many different ways. It has affected me in the way I react in situations and how I see myself.
I want that to change. I want to be happy with who I am and how I look. If I gain weight, I want to be able to be okay with it and deal with it instead of having the words "if you gain weight, I'm going to leave you" going through my head. Yes, I'm single... but I tend to think that part of why I'm single is because of my appearance. Crazy, I know.
So, I'm making some decisions and changes in my life that I think will be good for me overall. I'm going on a diet... okay, not like a HUGE weight loss diet, but a healthy diet. I'm going to start eating a little healthier - not so much munching all day. Also, I'm going to start walking/running every day. I have the time, so why not get out and enjoy the outdoors. It always makes me feel better too.
If I want to be happy... then I have to make myself happy!!
There are several things in my life that I'm not too happy with or just confused by that are just kind of happening. But then there are those things that I can control or at least help direct a little more than I do. Right now, I've been thinking a lot about my appearance. I know that's weird. I know that I shouldn't worry so much about my appearance, but that's probably been one of the hardest things in my life.
I've grown up feeling more like an object than just a female. Different things have happened in my life... some things that I've told people, and other things that maybe one person knows. And it's not anything that I really dwell upon, but at the same time, it's something that I know has affected me in many different ways. It has affected me in the way I react in situations and how I see myself.
I want that to change. I want to be happy with who I am and how I look. If I gain weight, I want to be able to be okay with it and deal with it instead of having the words "if you gain weight, I'm going to leave you" going through my head. Yes, I'm single... but I tend to think that part of why I'm single is because of my appearance. Crazy, I know.
So, I'm making some decisions and changes in my life that I think will be good for me overall. I'm going on a diet... okay, not like a HUGE weight loss diet, but a healthy diet. I'm going to start eating a little healthier - not so much munching all day. Also, I'm going to start walking/running every day. I have the time, so why not get out and enjoy the outdoors. It always makes me feel better too.
If I want to be happy... then I have to make myself happy!!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Seven Decisions That Determine Personal Success
The following seven decisions come from a book called The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews.
1 - The buck stops here. I am responsible for my past and my future.
2 - I will seek wisdom. I will be servant to others.
3 - I am a person of action. I seize this moment. I choose now.
4 - I have a decided heart. My destiny is assured.
5 - Today I will choose to be happy. I am the possessor of a grateful spirit.
6 - I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself.
7 - I will persist without exception. I am a person of great faith.
This book was given to me by my father, and I really enjoyed it. It's an easy read, and just kind of made you think about what was really important.
1 - The buck stops here. I am responsible for my past and my future.
2 - I will seek wisdom. I will be servant to others.
3 - I am a person of action. I seize this moment. I choose now.
4 - I have a decided heart. My destiny is assured.
5 - Today I will choose to be happy. I am the possessor of a grateful spirit.
6 - I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself.
7 - I will persist without exception. I am a person of great faith.
This book was given to me by my father, and I really enjoyed it. It's an easy read, and just kind of made you think about what was really important.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
How long does it really take?
4 1/2 years, three semi-relationships, one relationship, several dates, a marriage conversation and I still think back to you. In every "relationship", you are the one that each guy is compared to and the one that each guy never completely measures up to. At the end of every "relationship", you are the one I want to run to and the one I want to be with. WHY?!?!
I'm really not understanding why I want to turn to you so much, and why my heart is having such a hard time letting you go.
I was the one to end our relationship, not you. I shouldn't be the one having such a hard time with this. It ended because we both needed to grow up, and there were things that I needed to do that I could only do single. Now, I don't want to do anything without you.
We used to talk so much; you always wanted to know what was happening in my life, but yet something changed. The last time I saw you couldn't have been the end... it didn't feel like an end at all. Yet, I haven't heard from you at all. I remember the look you had in your eyes when you saw me in your Uncle's garage. The hug, the fact that you didn't want to let me go or get very far from you... the kiss. None of that was empty, none of that was fake. Yet what changed?
You've always known how to make me laugh when I wanted to be so mad at you. You are the one that was such a support to me when I struggled so much. You prayed for me when you knew that was the last thing on my mind. You always appreciated me for me, and saw the little things that made me happy. Why is it that you can say that you've missed me so much and that everything comes back to me for you, yet you are so far away?
I miss our conversations. I miss hearing your stories about work or basketball. I miss your golf stories, and hearing about your clubs taking flying lessons that day or you having a good day on the course or whatever it may be. I miss us, and how happy you made me. It was pure, and it was real. There are so many memories that I have of us from the days at AC, trips to Memphis/Ohio, and seeing you in Utah, Lufkin, and Flower Mound. Each memory is good. I honestly don't remember anything bad between us.
So many times have I prayed to have these feelings removed. So many times have I tried to just forget you and to stop caring about you. However, it seems like all I do is want you more and more and continue to love you every day. I don't know what to do, but I know that I can't be in any type of relationship until I am able to let you go as it wouldn't be fair.
Still Going Through
-Phil Stacey
What happened to Mr.[Ms.] Right
What went wrong the other night
When you called me
Oh, why did you call me
To talk about the good old days
And take a walk down memory lane
Catch up on life
Oh, since the day we died
Girl[Boy], I don't know about you
As for me, I'm still going through
[Chorus]Every kiss, nights like this
The way you looked in the light
Of that lonely moon
Looking down on us from that southern sky
Every word that fell from your lips
Baby, I miss everything
And I have no clue how you got over
What I'm still going through
What more could you have to say
You said it all when you walked away
And just left me here
Yeah, you made it clear
I don't know what I'm doing wrong
I don't know why I can't move on
And just let this go
Girl[Boy], would you let me know
What it is I have to do
To keep from going through
[Repeat Chorus]
The bright light at the end of the tunnel
Sure is fading fast
'Cause I just can't get past
Every kiss, nights like this
The way you looked in the light
Of that lonely moon
Looking down on us from that southern sky
Every word and every kiss,nights like this
The way you looked in the light
Of that lonely moon
Looking down on us from that southern sky
Every word that fell from your lips
Baby, I miss everything
And I have no clue how you got over
I have no clue how you got over
What I'm still going through
What I'm still going through
I'm really not understanding why I want to turn to you so much, and why my heart is having such a hard time letting you go.
I was the one to end our relationship, not you. I shouldn't be the one having such a hard time with this. It ended because we both needed to grow up, and there were things that I needed to do that I could only do single. Now, I don't want to do anything without you.
We used to talk so much; you always wanted to know what was happening in my life, but yet something changed. The last time I saw you couldn't have been the end... it didn't feel like an end at all. Yet, I haven't heard from you at all. I remember the look you had in your eyes when you saw me in your Uncle's garage. The hug, the fact that you didn't want to let me go or get very far from you... the kiss. None of that was empty, none of that was fake. Yet what changed?
You've always known how to make me laugh when I wanted to be so mad at you. You are the one that was such a support to me when I struggled so much. You prayed for me when you knew that was the last thing on my mind. You always appreciated me for me, and saw the little things that made me happy. Why is it that you can say that you've missed me so much and that everything comes back to me for you, yet you are so far away?
I miss our conversations. I miss hearing your stories about work or basketball. I miss your golf stories, and hearing about your clubs taking flying lessons that day or you having a good day on the course or whatever it may be. I miss us, and how happy you made me. It was pure, and it was real. There are so many memories that I have of us from the days at AC, trips to Memphis/Ohio, and seeing you in Utah, Lufkin, and Flower Mound. Each memory is good. I honestly don't remember anything bad between us.
So many times have I prayed to have these feelings removed. So many times have I tried to just forget you and to stop caring about you. However, it seems like all I do is want you more and more and continue to love you every day. I don't know what to do, but I know that I can't be in any type of relationship until I am able to let you go as it wouldn't be fair.
Still Going Through
-Phil Stacey
What happened to Mr.[Ms.] Right
What went wrong the other night
When you called me
Oh, why did you call me
To talk about the good old days
And take a walk down memory lane
Catch up on life
Oh, since the day we died
Girl[Boy], I don't know about you
As for me, I'm still going through
[Chorus]Every kiss, nights like this
The way you looked in the light
Of that lonely moon
Looking down on us from that southern sky
Every word that fell from your lips
Baby, I miss everything
And I have no clue how you got over
What I'm still going through
What more could you have to say
You said it all when you walked away
And just left me here
Yeah, you made it clear
I don't know what I'm doing wrong
I don't know why I can't move on
And just let this go
Girl[Boy], would you let me know
What it is I have to do
To keep from going through
[Repeat Chorus]
The bright light at the end of the tunnel
Sure is fading fast
'Cause I just can't get past
Every kiss, nights like this
The way you looked in the light
Of that lonely moon
Looking down on us from that southern sky
Every word and every kiss,nights like this
The way you looked in the light
Of that lonely moon
Looking down on us from that southern sky
Every word that fell from your lips
Baby, I miss everything
And I have no clue how you got over
I have no clue how you got over
What I'm still going through
What I'm still going through
Petsen$e
Work... that is such a challenge sometimes. Right now I'm the Assistant Manager for Petsen$e, Inc. but that won't be for too much longer. We are waiting to see if this guy is going to accept the offer or not. My last day as the official assistant manager is going to be August 31, and that is becoming way too real for me.
The day that my District Manager came down to interview some candidates for the Assistant Manager position, I was at work watching them go in and out of the office. I became very quiet and not sure of what was happening. It was at that moment that it felt real that I was about to change so much in my life - that I was about to go in a different direction. The fears that I've had before about struggles with money and such started to come back. I'm really not sure how I'm going to make everything happen.
There are still many things that are still up in the air; however, I do know that I can have 28 hours a week beginning September 1st. Is that going to be enough? I really don't know. I do know that I don't want to look for another job because we all know that that isn't fun at all! Guess I'll figure out what I'm going to do in the next couple of weeks as I'm going to make plans after my trip to Utah.
The day that my District Manager came down to interview some candidates for the Assistant Manager position, I was at work watching them go in and out of the office. I became very quiet and not sure of what was happening. It was at that moment that it felt real that I was about to change so much in my life - that I was about to go in a different direction. The fears that I've had before about struggles with money and such started to come back. I'm really not sure how I'm going to make everything happen.
There are still many things that are still up in the air; however, I do know that I can have 28 hours a week beginning September 1st. Is that going to be enough? I really don't know. I do know that I don't want to look for another job because we all know that that isn't fun at all! Guess I'll figure out what I'm going to do in the next couple of weeks as I'm going to make plans after my trip to Utah.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Life Isn't that Bad, but Why Does It Feel that Way
I know that life isn't as hard as it seems, and it's really not that bad; however, it feels like it's the worst thing ever. So many things seem to either be going wrong, or just not making sense to me. And if my life isn't the only thing I have to worry or think about, but I have friends who come to me with everything going on with them. I'm grateful that they are able to trust me so much, but at the same time, who do I have to go to about things. I don't really have that friend to just run to about my life. I'm the rock that everyone relies on to be strong and sturdy all the time.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
1st Blog... Not Sure
I'm not really sure what all I'm going to say in these blogs, but I know that it'll help me out. It's always good to get things out.
Right now, I'm trying to figure out so many things in my life and remain strong through my trials. Trials with work, relationships, callings, and just life in general. At this moment, I don't really have much to say or feel open to type, but I will.
Right now, I'm trying to figure out so many things in my life and remain strong through my trials. Trials with work, relationships, callings, and just life in general. At this moment, I don't really have much to say or feel open to type, but I will.
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