Very Torn

I have been dating a wonderful guy the past two months, and it's been wonderful. We have really started to grow kind of close, and have started to develop feelings for each other. If we don't see each other every day, we are sending text messages back and forth. We spend many hours together, and just enjoy doing very little. It's really hard for him to sit still, but he indulges. :-) We enjoy each others company, and we smile and laugh. Here lately, we have even started having some pretty interesting conversations about the Church and what's important.

Now, you wonder why my title says "Very Torn" as it seems like things are going great. Well... this is what I want and nothing less...

WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT WHICH ISN'T NOW!!

I don't know if this is something he is going to ever want or how important it is going to be to him to work towards that. I would be okay just dating him, and not thinking about this; however, I've had a few people make mention that I should only be dating towards the Temple - of course not in those exact words. Also, when I was going through a desk drawer today, I found some old stuff from my one year of Seminary and from the two years of Young Womens. One pamplet that I found, titled "To the Young Women of the Church: A message by President Ezra Taft Benson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" (1986) stated the following:

Date Faithful Young Men

"Remember, young women, the importance of proper dating. President Kimball gave some wise counsel on this subject:

"Clearly, right marriage begins with right dating.... Therefore, this warning comes with great emphasis. Do not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless. A girl may say, 'Oh, I do not intend to marry this person. It is just a "fun" date.' But one cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel" (The Miracle of Forgiveness, pp. 241-242).

"Our Heavenly Father wants you to date young men who are faithful members of the Church, who will be worthy to take you to the temple and be married the Lord's way. There will be a new spirit in Zion when the young women will say to their boyfriends, 'If you cannot get a temple recommend, then I am not about to tie my life to you, even for mortality!' And the young returned missionary will say to his girlfriend, 'I am sorry, but as much as I love you, I will not marry out of the holy temple."

So... as I was typing this, this very choice young man just called me. He's making changes in his life, and no, I don't think they are because of me. I feel like I'm helping him see things and not putting him down or judging him for weaknesses and flaws. It's just amazing to see those changes though, and I hope they stick!!

Again, I am torn as I'm not completely sure which direction I should go. Maybe I should just continue to date and see what happens. Heck, I'm not ready for marriage. Once school starts, I won't really have much time to see him anyways so he may just leave because of that. Oh the joys of being busy!!

EFY

EFY was absolutely amazing!! I can't believe that I've waited this long to be a counselor, but at least it happened now! I'm already planning on being a counselor ALL next summer!! It's so amazing, and just the experience, the people, THE SPIRIT!!! I loved it all - even the lack of sleep!! :-)

I grew so much spiritually! It was amazing to be in such an environment where you could honestly be happy 100%, you can cry any time you want and no one thinks you are weird, and you can act as goofy as you want. I was around people who believe what I believe, and love it! I almost forgot what that was like, and to be accepted for me... all of me!!

My two groups of girls, and my two companys were better than I could have ever asked for!!! I had amazing co-counselors, and fabulous BC's!! There was absolutely nothing I hated! Even in moments of frustration, I learned to just continue to love and found the patience I needed.

When I went to EFY, I wasn't sure how well it was going to go. I went with certain thoughts in my head about different situations in my life. When I left, many prayers were answered and my testimony was grounded!! I hope that my girls and boys were able to learn even just a small part from me of what I learned from them. They taught me so much!!

BECOME STRONG
Co-Counselor: Scott Cobabe

FULL OF LOVE
Co-Counselor: Michael Wilson

10 Years

10 years ago today, I was at Laura S. Walker State Park in Waycross, GA. Several of my friends, new and old, were out on the lake. It was a fun Saturday filled with knee boarding, tubing, and just good times. I had never been out, so I was really enjoying it all. I had a new boyfriend, and was making some much needed changes in my life. You see - July 18 was the first Sunday that I had ever attended the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I knew that's where I was supposed to be.

Now, this day was and is known as Pioneer Day to those who are LDS. It is a day we celebrate every year in remembrance of the pioneers and all that they went through to get to the Salt Lake Valley. They went through so much for us and for the Lord!!

This day, 10 years ago, we were starting to load up everything and get ready to head back to the house to just hang out for the night. My mother gave me a call, and it wasn't a normal phone call. She wanted to know who was around me as she was trying to figure out how to tell me the news she was about to say. At this time, my father and brother were out on a camping trip (I can't remember what it is called right now) for Boy Scouts and my mother was at home alone. She then proceeded to tell me that my grandfather wasn't doing very well, so they got in contact with my father to get to Texas - Ft. Worth to be specific. My father did some hitchhiking and carpool with other scout troups that were leaving, and didn't make it to Ft. Worth in time. His father, my grandfather had passed away after 6 months of battling cancer. He was only 70 years old, and a strong man! He retired the day before his passing.

July 4th was the last time that I saw my grandfather, and something told me that it was going to be the last time I saw him. It was so hard on me, but when I attended Church on the 18th, I knew there was hope. The teachings of the Temple and eternal families lifted my spirits. I knew that everything would be okay because of that. Now... I just need to get his work done (along with my mom's parents).

My grandfather was cremated, and didn't want any kind of service. They ended up having a service/gathering, and there were no seats left. It was the largest church in Ft. Worth, and they were having to bring in chairs and people were left to stand. How amazing that is to me to know that my grandfather had such a strong impact on so many people. There were many people there, including my father as it's all he had, who were in their scout uniforms. My grandfather did so much for the organization and the Longhorn Council.

It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years already, and I miss him so much. He didn't live an easy life, but was determined to make the best of everything. He did just that!!!

Born with the name of Asa Rauscher from his birth mother, but adopted not too long later and given the name of Joe Paul Jones, he worked hard in his life to have all that he had, and did so much for those around him. I see much of him in my father, and I hope that I have at least a few of his traits!

The Council Ring dedicate to my grandfather as he was the one who helped financially, but was also out there often for the building of it. This picture was taken the evening that it was dedicated, and it could not have been a better night. His ashes were also spread just over the ledge by his three children and wife.

Short Update

EFY WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!

It was seriously the BEST week of my life, and I miss my girls, my boys, the counselors, and just everything so VERY much! I can't wait to go back this weekend for one more week!!!!